spades and hearts.

so it happened.
i became numb.
a queen in a cage.

i never though i'd say this.
i was petrified of it happening.
but you get to a point where you can't handle anymore.
you can break down.
or you can decide to see everything, but block the feeling.

i never, ever wanted it to be this way.
i always told myself it would be so much better to feel.
but then maybe i never knew how things could be.
becoming like the knights who showed me it was possible.
stab after stab, and i was gone.

save me.
mustering the feeling in the first place seems near impossible.
and the gallant knave doesn't exist, i've found.
life deals the cards - black and red printed on more than paper.
you're silly if you think you have control.

the middle ground was always going to be the worst.
not afraid to crash and burn, willing to love too.
but numbness and limbo took control.
stuck.

let me master my ace.
let me feel something.