sorry.

sorry.
i'm sorry.
what does sorry mean anymore?

it used to be a word i demanded constantly. 5 letters, and it would all be ok. the simplest of combinations can have the greatest of effects. flames could be re-kindled. bridges could be re-built. bonds could be re-sewn.
but now, to me, it's just a word.

you can say sorry all you like. but it is what you do after you have uttered those two syllables that will mean the most to me. i don't care for sorry anymore. it means nothing. i'll appreciate it, but i won't necessarily believe you. fundamentally, its your actions that will scream to me, demand attention and a reaction, not the words with which you choose to label them.

we all fuck up. human nature forges it to be so. but if you can show me that you are dextrous enough to mend things, or even simply make a different choice next time the paradigm comes along, you will rule my heart and i'll be in awe.

sorry is sometimes saying that you've changed. and that change makes you regret your actions. you're embarrassed. seethe and simmer all you like; or deal with every moment after you make that realisation in a way that you are proud of. and i'll be your friend.

i've had too many sorries over the last years to believe in them anymore.
its time for you to sit down and stop being the person you fucking hate.





appendix: my "you" is wholly subjective. as ever.