making some sense.

i've not blogged in a few days.
i guess because the multitude of feelings and thoughts that have been streaming through my conscious (and subconscious) mind are confusing me so, and i am not sure if i can put them into words.

i'll try to lay everything out as best as i can.

first of all, i am discontented. there is something about the direction i am headed in career-wise that i am not happy with. i am longing for something more - the ability to use my creativity, to feel like i am doing valuable work, and to be kept busy. right now i am merely one of the masses, plugging in information in a robotic manner, speaking from a pre-conceived script. i need something more, or i feel like eventually my mind will have become stagnant and beyond repair. i think i am going to have a hunt around for something *else*.

to combat these feelings of mediocrity, i have begun to start reading again, seriously. i have always had a long shopping list of books that i would read "one day". and why not start now? browsing bookshops with a friend, i was handed "the catcher in the rye", an all-time literary great. i've only just begun to flip through the pages, but already i am associating with the protagonist, holden, if only concerning his teenage angst.

i felt like i explored my new suburb a little more yesterday. my legs still ache slightly from a journey to the beginning of the mt lawley cafe strip from my house in inglewood by foot. i guess it was the overflowing circles of conversation that kept me entertained and not realise the distance, but we'll get to the later.
i noticed new quirky shops and interesting cafes, and hence now have an agenda of places to visit and sample. the vietnamese takeaway shop was crossed off the list of things to try last night, but it will definitely be returned to.

i like catching up with old friends. there are some people who you may not see for a while, but when you spend time with them again, it feels like moments never passed and there is simply just more to be said. there is something refreshing in having someone really "know" you. someone who can pre-empt your reactions, and know the right advice to give. someone who can pick you up when you are feeling low, and help you clear things up when you are confused.

in turn, i like spending time with new friends. i met someone who i had not previously hung out with in the real world, and what happened was not what i expected. there are few people that you meet that you feel you really connect with. and he is one of those people. we never stopped talking, we found so many common interests, and when we parted all i could think of was the next time that we would be able to share ideas and perceptions again.
i will write more about this when i know more.

i am sick of feeling sick. for more than 2 weeks now, i have had a stabbing pain in my abdomen, sometimes feeling like a huge needle, other times feeling like i've been punched. it's leading to me missing many days of work, and while doctors are still trying to get to the bottom of it, sometimes i am in near-agony.

i think this is all for now. once i have consolidated my feelings a little more, i'll extrapolate on a few of these themes.