because we are small.

as i watched the events of today unfold, i couldn't help thinking that life is elaborate and vast.

morning was spent lazily, slowly. in bed, room was a mess. i did some hunting for a while for something in particular on my mac. wait, its barely morning anymore. stumble to the bathroom. break the tap again. blue dress, the one that was in my dream. i was almost late for the bus.

one phone call and a train ride later, i wasn't sure how to feel. disappointed, that is precise; let down is also another way. sad that things had concluded, but relieved that i discovered that the person wasn't at all who i thought they were. longing again for something that resembles what i was hoping it to be. trust is paramount to me. as they say in "closer", without the truth, we are animals. i won't wear emotions on my sleeve anymore. or i'll try, at least. you are fake.

burgers in a diner with a great friend formed mid-day, where ramblings took control. i am glad that i met her, as despite the fact that it was so recent, i identify with her and she makes me happy. goldfrapp's "time out from the world" was playing in the store we wandered into. moving, paradise, involved; it was love. saw a supposed criminal recognised by watching the news. sat on swings. my foot went numb and i couldn't walk for a while. i will miss her when she goes, soon.

i made the afternoon as i went. i hadn't been to the alexander library for a while, but i was instantly glad when i entered the glass lift. i searched for sheet music of some old folk tunes. the books were all out though. the art gallery was next. i saw some wondrous works, as a music box played dulcet tones in the background. 190 gerberas squashed for years under a pane of glass, mouldy by now. a giant cardboard box with peepholes, each revealing a different, tiny panorama. cranberry juice for me, coffee for them, followed in the cafe.

i had some thoughts, too. i want to hone my writing ability to the extent where i can begin to generate music - lyrics and maybe even melodies as well. it is something i desperately long for, and i think i am getting there. lately i've been scribbling ideas all over tickets and receipts so they don't get lost in the depths of my imagination before i have a chance to write them out later. i also want to harness my senses more, and do more things which inspire me. i made a little list of some interesting adventures i want to go on, and it is this week's assignment to get a few of those done. i've already teed up a few partners to embark with me. i began to collect free postcards again. they are going to form a mural in the hallway perhaps, the green walls are looking a little bare.

and the evening? though its only just begun, i've been thinking and writing a great deal. but some of these works shan't be posted on here. at least, not just yet. now, i am going for a meeting. he'll pick me up in his car, and we'll go for coffee and a discussion in the place with the paper lanterns (i'm not sure of the name). then i'll sleep in freshly laundered sheets, and dream of the world again.



god, i love ambiguity.
its forming the basis of many goings on for me as of late, but doesn't it just make things all the more entertaining?

and we all love a big, fucking play.