Colloquial.

Jessie, Jessie -
What do you see?
Staring into time and space, bemused by thought and place?
How deep are the canyons of your mind?
How do your cloth sails billow when put upon the wind?

Jessie, Jessie -
You're an idiom, a mere figure of speech.
A sugar high, hit and miss, out of reach.
Words fall off your silent tongue, escaping before they can be caught.
Like butterflies fleeing from a net.

Jessie, Jessie -
A poetic jumble isn't enough.
You're not delving, you're shelving; thoughts tucked away in canopic jars.
Answer your questions. And then question your answers.
After all,
The spark must be lit at some point, somewhere.

I lust to wander.

How should I live my life?
There's part of me that would just like to float on an electricity-infused breeze, letting it sweep me away like the wanton needles of an old dandelion. But there's another part of me that wants to take control of my fate, grabbing life by it's collar and leaving nothing to chance. I'd like to settle for a happy medium between the two, I think.

We put too much pressure on ourselves to try conceive a "grand plan" for the rest of our lives. I'm old enough, or at least experienced enough, to know that minds change like the hands on a clock, and we can't force ourselves to make a choice about something that can affect us so greatly. At the same time though, I am finding myself thinking - "What am I doing", "Where am I going?", "What do I want out of life?"

I desperately want to pack up my vintage suitcases and journey into an unknown environment to live for a while... I'd rather not be tame and go for somewhere on the other side of the country to drop them, instead, I'd find a city that tantalises me and grabs my heart. For now, I am considering Paris. Ideally, I'd teach English while I learnt French, and ride an old bike around, with a beret on my head and a bread stick peeping out of the basket.
I guess I firstly need to go on somewhat of a reconnaissance mission to see what places take my fancy. London, Paris, Reykjavik, Cairo, Rome, Istanbul, Port Louis - tasting and experiencing and learning my way through some of the most intriguing cities of the world.

I also had an idea that I'd like to follow through with sometime in my life, though not just yet. I'd like to write a series of kitsch travel guides for different places all over the word - think Lonely Planet with a funkier and more selective approach. It would take years of trawling through the streets of foreign destinations, and penning my findings in a unique style, but I believe I can (and want to) do it.

This goes hand in hand with my time-forged desire to be a writer. I just don't know where to start. Already having abandoned any idea of possibly going back to uni, I need to find an avenue to enter the world of the written word, to eventually work in a quasi-journalistic position (think magazing columnist or travel writer).

While I don't want to force myself into making too many decisions too fast, I also want to live my life the way I want. Learn to ride that breeze, instead of just letting it sweep me away. Challenge myself again and again, and never rest or simply be umtimately content.

I want You to come with me. I'll wait for You.
A case of wanderlust wouldn't be anything without my partner in crime.

Idle mind no more.

I am not blogging anywhere near as much as I used to.
It's a complicated reason why, really; it goes beyond simply being "too busy".
Well, the amalgamation of reasons does begin there I guess.

My job has granted me an amazing opportunity to come into my own, in a role where I can shine and prove myself to the best of my abilities. But, this does take quite a toll on the rest of my life. It's exhausting and mind-blowing, and at the end of another day all I really want to do is just climb between my sheets with a book and let my reality take a rest. But I don't do that. I just continue to meander my way through the day, albeit in a slightly stunted fashion. I know that in time, my routine at work will settle more, and I'll start to feel at ease, but for now, there are always a buzz of little to-dos running through my concious mind.

Then theres the gym. Catching up with friends. Seeing family. Travel for business and leisure. Moving house. Running errands. Singing lessons. A trip to Ikea. More and more little things - and my time is gone and my mind is tired.

I also think differently about life to an extent too. I was happy having a void inside me for the last few months. It allowed me to get inside myself, and explore who I am, what I desire and what I want to compromise my life. Once that void was filled though, I began finding it a lot harder to communicate with myself, and get my thoughts into something more tangible than a flurry of perception only I could know. But, as He said, I need to find a way to express myself now that the lonely space within me is gone. I worry I'd sound like a broken record: happy, in love, happy, in love etc.

Whats wrong with that?

Maybe it's just about getting myself back into that mindset. Setting aside what is, and letting dreams take over. Setting aside time to get in touch with myself, and go on an adventure with tangents and truth.
It is my mind after all. If I don't hone it, I may well lose it.
So I'll dream away...

i am alice.

time is such a fantastic thing, isn't it?
i just opened my eyes, and it was august.
are the days moving faster, or is it just me?
recent memories occurred weeks ago.
will i oneday wake up, and it will all be over?
it won't stop, that world that spins on it's axis.
does this grand show mean anything, really?
bow and courtsey, the empty theatre applauds.
can love save you, ultimately and completely?
i found myself. then love found her.
tell me, what's behind that little wooden door?
turn the handle, it's the only way to know.

fall down the rabbit hole, past broken furniture and creatures unknown.
peer at the world through the looking glass, but don't forget to live on the other side.
savour all you see, feel with every sense. run around the corner with your eyes closed.

it's wonderland. and it's all i need to know.