Come together now.

There's always time for something new.
It's never too late to change your mind.
You can re-invent as often as you please.
Experience and insight are precious.

With naught but a cent to my name, but a full tank of petrol, Marc announced that today he was taking me on an adventure. A drive-by recount of places and memories of his childhood I'd not known about before, eating caramel crowns, and singing formed the trip there, and by noon we were at Lesmurdie falls. Or at least, in a carpark with numerous dirt trails promising to take us there. We couldn't decide if it was a stream, a creek, or a brook, but we parked next to the gurgling cascade of water anyway, and after a journey following it's bends and turns through thick foliage and rocky outcrops, we came to a giant red and black stone wall with water tumbling down. It was beautiful.
Our wanderlust pushed us closer and closer to the spectacle, until we were so close that tiny drops from the waterfall splattered our glasses and hair. The sun beat down upon us, and it seemed only natural to lose our shoes and dare to cross the slippery stone to reach out under the falling water. Our clothes were soaked and we fell enough, but I was so grateful for something different to do on a Sunday. It didn't matter that I was covered in mud and cold the whole way home; what mattered was that I'd laughed and played and taken a chance.

For this, and other reasons, things are coming together again for me.
I've recently been cast in a musical that I've loved for a long time.
My new job begins tomorrow - better people, better pay, better company, better position.
And the decision that I am getting more excited about the nearer I get - uni next year for journalism, public relations and marketing.

It's all these things that make up a new chapter.
Indeed, it's all these things that make a life.
Nothing without experience, nothing without insight.
Everything from within.

Morality and oneself.

On average, I lose myself twice a year.
I'm getting better, but even so, there are times when I forget where I am going and the person I'm striving to be. I'll always know who I am fundamentally, but sometimes I find myself changing in a way that does not fit the path I envisaged, making choices that I won't be proud of in the future.

In this instance, my loss has spanned over some recent months. I'm not sure where it began exactly, but my displacement has cost me much and given me little. And it's time to stop.
Maybe it occurred as a result of too much happening around me, I don't know. Too much pressure, too much responsibility, too many expectations beating down on me.

My greatest downfall is others. I am so consumed with trying to keep other people happy that I never actually manage to. I always seem to be faced with two choices, and neither ever lead to favourable outcomes. Why is this? Is it because I put myself in situations that I can't possibly win? Am I subconsciously sabotaging my relationships, and, indeed, my own happiness? The thing is, the way I am going is the only way I know. How can one compete with that?

I can't run back through the trail of the past and take the other fork in the road. Sometimes I wish I could, but then I wonder if I'd just take the same route over and over again, given my chance. Maybe I can't avoid disappointing and hurting others when I'm lost.
It doesn't mean I'm not sorry. I am sorry. So sorry.
And to myself - I'll start getting better now.
I'll start re-defining and exploring once again. I'll carve out happiness in my own way, and be genuinely proud of my accomplishments. I'll be what I can to everyone around me, and love him with all of my heart, to be as cliched as possible.

Sometimes I worry how close I am to the edge.
But I'll always stop myself when my feet knock some stray pebbles over.
I need to know what's going to happen next; good or bad.
And that, ladies and gentleman, is why I'm still here.