The Break-up.

The breakup is so imminent that I am already planning the words I'll use.
So close that I already have that giddy feeling in my stomach. The bad kind - terror and uncertainty uncoiling slimy tentacles, writhing, seething.
So close that only hours mark the separation.

And it's in this moment, where I'm nearly upon the point of no return, that I wonder if I'm just in my decision. I've taken all but a few steps in my quest to combat that which has affected me so much, and yet now a strange contentment, could you even say happiness, has washed over me...
A newfound affection has instilled itself over the bitter resentment and hopelessness that have evaded my judgement. Judgement which I wouldn't trust anyway. Maybe it's just the knowledge that I'll soon be free, leaving behind thought-spun shackles and leashes.
Maybe I just romanticise anything I can.

I'm sorry I lead you on.
I'm sorry I made you think this was something that would last.
I'm sorry I didn't know myself better than to tell you you're perfect for me.
Because you're not.

I tried to make it work.
I put my very soul in. I let you wrap me in a straightjacket and fasten the clasps using my hands. Yes, it was I that let it happen.
And now it is the same 'I' that will cut me loose.

Certainty is a beautiful thing.
It is a promise that my self won't buckle under the looming cloud.
So I'll keep my wits about me, when I tell you it's over. Maybe I'll mock regret and gratitude. Or maybe it'll be real.

I am grateful.
You showed me that there's something better in life for me to strive for.
You showed me where my strengths lie... and what my true faults are.
You showed me how I can be controlled, how I hate to be controlled.
And I thank you for that.

I don't want you anymore.
I'm leaving you.
In the nicest way possible - "goodbye".